Internship season is on its way and I believe that time has the fastest way of dragging me there, without me even knowing it happening. I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared. I think I always have been, in every aspect of life. I couldn’t spare my mind away from thinking that I’m just a piece of a walking flesh, always clueless about the real life out there and it makes me wonder how I even survived 19 years of living. Days past, travails past, life past without me knowing how I made it until the day I finally sit down and think about it seriously.
Like right now, oh good lord I don’t think I’m making any sense. It’s just an endless stream of consciousness. I believe this is my coward soul taking over this post, again. I’m writing this because I have started looking for internships through the internet yesterday and as much as possible I want to get a job in one of the most reliable and reputable media and entertainment companies in Manila.
The truth is I want to get in there because, aside from the obvious self growth, I want assurance and security, probably just like any other graduating student out there. And the uncertainty of making it successfully gives me the coldest chills. There will be so many applicants out there just like me who are looking for the same opportunity. It’s like the fight of the fittest, the strongest among the strongest, a last man standing competition.
The attitude of not being good enough to qualify on any companies is what keeps me… nonsensical. There are so many what ifs screwing in my head right now. What if I didn’t qualify; what if I didn’t get the job; what if there’s no more to turn to? What will happen to me?
Right now I wanted to slack, do nothing. More so I wanted to get swallowed down by the surface just so I wouldn’t have to face my fears. But still, life doesn’t work that way. Perhaps I could run thousand miles like Forrest Gump, but I could never hide.
Frightened is all I am. And fear, at its most dominating level, can sometimes become numb.
The Dirty Diaries