I just cannot seem to, every time I try to write and find the words to articulate the extent of my love for him, and how painful it was to let him go.
But then somehow I came to realize, these feelings need not words and need not explaining after all, for I know that no matter what—we may drift far from each other as time unfolds—he will always occupy a special place in my heart, and my soul will never forget how it was to be touched by his love that was once so joyful and pure.
And that sure is enough, more than any words could do.
This is me, finally forgiving and freeing myself from the chains of any memory and heartache that may hold me back from healing and moving forward every day, and to hoping that I will find peace and comfort in my own journey.
That’s not what I crave for. Tell me your biggest fears, your worst nightmares. The person you always dreamed of becoming when you were a kid, and why you think it’s an improbable dream now that you’re grown up. The reason why you never finished reading a particular book. Tell me what ticks you off and how you’re able to find peace just by looking at the serene night sky. Tell me about that old man you saw in the train, clutching his own cane, alone. Or how you would rather not wear your jacket in the midst of a February midnight breeze. Tell me about your frustrations and what makes you hate people so much. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else before.
I wanna know the depths of your mind, see the shadows of your heart. I want to embrace your humanity—you as a person of vulnerability and strength, not just another being forced to live just because you were given life. I want to trace my fingers through every inch of the scars your soul acquires every time you find yourself lost and no one heard your cries. Because I want to be that person who hears. I want to kiss all your bruises whenever life knocks you down yet you still find a way to wake up everyday with a forgiving smile. I want to be the person who helps you heal your ache. I want to be the one you find yourself at home with whenever you cannot seem to find a place where you can fit in this desolate world.
All I want is to be that someone who never leaves you at your lowest point. Who bears with you no matter how rough and ugly things could get. That someone who believes in you when you don’t. Not because I want the same intense of affection from you in return, but because I know exactly what it feels to yearn for a company that’s never there, and I don’t want you to feel that way.
And it’s okay, if you cannot be the same for me, trust me.
I’ll be okay.
Her mind is
Nothing but a wonderful blessing
And here I am
But a blunt feather
Blown away by her endless wind
I float along the hush of her whisper
Of how grand of an angel she is
Eternally too big
And too much
To fit in
Our ordinary universe.
Being bilingual is undeliably fun, as I can communicate with whoever in the world I want, and quite a battle too in terms of matching more appropriate words that counterpart what I’m trying to say. In a dreamy state I love poetry—those elegant use of metaphors and how it rouses the most delicate of human emotion. Oooh, what a beauty! But in everyday life I’ve known myself as sharp, direct to the point, and I don’t always have a sweet word to explain what exactly my thoughts and feelings are. It takes more time for me to sugarcoat everything I have to say in order to seem nicer and avoid argument or misunderstanding.
Continue reading “The Struggle is Real: Translating Tagalog to English”
Ever felt that life is showering you millions of tricky situations in a single day just to test how strongly you can stand and whether or not you will realize that giving up is the only choice left? This happens to me at least every three months or so, in return I would just shrug off and laugh at the end of the day. Who are you kidding, life?! I would shrug off and laugh because the truth is I have no clue for certain how to make things work, except probably let the days pass with me doing whatever is needed to be done.
Danica, what the heck are you blabbing about?
I’m talking about responsibilities came unannounced I did not ask for pile up in my room—too much of them to be handled within 24 hours. I want to come clean, though, this is not going to be a post ranting about the things I hate. I am going to praise life and how wonderful it gets whenever it puts me in situations where I can step up my work as a senior student and soon-to-be dipping my
toe soul into the real world.
Continue reading “Weekend Musings: When It Turns Upside Down, What Now?”
Does anybody still read this blog?
The answer would probably be no. Because I don’t even post stuff anymore! In all honestly I feel shy about posting anything lately with the slight scare of whether or not I’ll terrify those subscribed to me through email when they find something familiar, but unfamiliar at the same time, visit their inbox. But whatever, I’m doing this anyway.
First though I wanted to greet everybody a very Happy New Year! I hope you, lovely reader, a great year ahead and this may spark an incredible inspiration to fulfill whatever you wish. My greeting may be a few days late, I know, but today also marks the second founding year of this little blog! I wish I could still post as often as I did before, I wouldn’t promise to post more often either, not that it’s something not included in my blogging resolution because I don’t have one. As always, life gets in the way. Ew. Some of you may find this reasoning absurd absurd irrational or just plain dumb, and believe me, I could imagine some eyebrows raising too. But 2015 had been a tough year for me. No, this time I wouldn’t rehash how and why it happened to be that way.
Continue reading “Does anybody still read this blog?”
It’s November. I didn’t end October with a bang, certainly not beginning November with fireworks. I still have a ship-load of tasks to do and will surely catch deadlines one after another in the upcoming weeks. I am a graduating student this academic year, though I’m not sure yet how my grades will come out by the end of semester, but already I’m claiming it, (just to attract positive energy) I AM GRADUATING. (!!!)
I did not expect how hectic my schedules have been in the past months. Like, looking back today, I’m asking myself how the heck did I survive those in one piece? And I realize that, indeed, life has a way of progressing itself—giving us mountain-top trials, confusions, what seems to be endless depression and anxiety—win or lose. Yet here I am, writing this blog post. Though I couldn’t tell right at this moment that I won. No, at least not yet, since our thesis proposal got dumped and our group still has to wake back from the dead.
Continue reading “The Power of Reading and Writing”